Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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