is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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