As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
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