i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
