yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
