Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
