I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize