So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
