I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
