you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
