wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I deserve this hangover.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
