trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
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