just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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