I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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