i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
