do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
