I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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