I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
