Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
