Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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