I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
