Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
