do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
