don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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