I think my vagina is haunted
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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