So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
