i think i have herpe
just one?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
