I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
