Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
