my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
