I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize