Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
