Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
