I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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