The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
