i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
