At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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