Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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