i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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