Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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