I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We left the knife in your bed.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
