The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
