My first STD was from a foam party
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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