Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
