Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
