so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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