Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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