then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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