I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
