i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
