eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
