you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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