Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I cockslap morals
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
