I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize