If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
