Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
is it fun? or sober?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
