found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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