Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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