You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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