Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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