Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
