Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Mom said you looked used
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
