I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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