Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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